[100617][NEWS] T.O.P Star Diary!

Thema: [100617][NEWS] T.O.P Star Diary! Sa Jun 26, 2010 5:50 am

Hier sind Teil 1 - 5:

Zitat :: [Star Diary, Part 1] Into the Gunfire, I have to lose myself.

The sound of exploding bombs, the whirlpool of war. I can’t tell if this is a dream or reality.

I was thrown onto the set of the film Into the Gunfire. Even until yesterday I had shaken up the stage as Big Bang’s big brother, and today I am thrown into war as student soldier Oh Jang Bum. My voice is hoarse from reading so many of Jang Bum’s letters and I am exhausted from filming such long war scenes. But the hardest thing is all the different roles inside of me.

To stand between Big Bang’s TOP and Oh Jang Bum and Choi Seung Hyun is too great to handle. Sleep doesn’t come easily at night. Lieutenant Oh Jang Bum, leading 71 student soldiers, who had to go head to head with a North Korean soldier at a school in Pohang without anyone to guide him.

The strangeness, horror, and responsibility that he must have felt, I feel it all inside me as I am on my own on this film set apart from the other members. I’ve enjoyed films ever since I was little. I liked the way films could play with a person’s emotions.
I really liked Tarantino films and Al Pacino in The Godfather and Scarface. While watching Trainspotting, I had the thought that I’ve got to live hard and to the fullest.

Will I be able to convey such strong energy to someone?
The reason I chose to do this film is because my heart to give strength to someone who admires me was so great. In order to become Oh Jang Bum, I can’t not lose myself.

The thought of, ‘I don’t belong here’ is growing dimmer, and the feeling that I want to do this right is burning stronger.

Source: Asiae
Translation: seungie@tumblr via bigbangupdates

Zitat :: [Star Diary, Part 2] “Ah, I really don’t want to become sensible…”

Reminder: TOP’s Star Diary series is written in his point of view, as if he is writing a journal entry.

I’m starting to feel the horror of war from filming Into the Gunfire. A bomb explodes just a few steps in front of me. It’s a different feeling from filming a drama.

Eye expression is important. I have to empty myself and convey student soldier lieutenant Oh Jang Bum to the audience. I think all the times I stood on stage as Big Bang is helping with my eye expression in acting. It’s because there were many times when I would convey my emotion to the audience with my eyes on stage. Conveying my own emotions to others in this way is what gives me the most joy.

On this movie set, I’m the youngest. I’ve started to get to know my seniors. They are carrying and guiding me, who knows nothing, who is ridiculous. Filming with all men is fun. I get envious of my seniors and the the stability they find with their families. I hadn’t ever thought of marriage before. Seeing my seniors, I’ve started to really think that I want to get married. Is it because I’m lonely?

But work is still first. I want to lose my mind in my work when I’m young. I want to go with the flow. Freedom is the most important thing that I’m made up of. I think filming this movie has increased my sensitivity. My personality has changed a lot too. Should I say that I’ve learned how to see through a child’s eyes. On the other hand, I feel like my inner self is slowly growing. Hanging out with my seniors is starting to make me more sensible. Ah, I don’t want to become sensible…

Source: Asiae
Translation: seungie@tumblr

Zitat :: [Star Diary] TOP③ "Seung Hyun I don't want any dirt to get on you"

I shed some tears at the Into the Gunfire premiere without even realizing. It’s not because I kept remembering how hard it was to film, but I think even now I haven’t yet broken away from Oh Jang Bum. Because no one knows Jang Bum’s heart like I do…

If I had been acting the part of TOP on stage, I gained the character of Jang Bum through this movie. I was afraid that I’d be stamped with an ‘upright image’ if I took on the role of student soldier lieutenant Oh Jang Bum. But I’m an actor now too, so I should get used to the job of putting on a character and then taking it off, right?

Before I knew it, I had two jobs. Though I’m still a tadpole. ^^ Looking at my seniors, I often realize that I have to learn a lot from them. The seniors from our company, the president, Seung Woo, Sang Woo, Seung Won, I feel a great amount as I watch my seniors.

I don’t want to become a star or someone who’s calculative. When I recently met up with Byun Hun, he said to me, “Seung Hyun, I don’t want any dirt to get on you.” He said that to me because he’s a senior that knows me pretty well. If I have no purity, I won’t be able to convey anything to the audience when I sing or when I act.

Now the figure that I portrayed and the film that I acted in, it is time for the public to evaluate all of it. I am nervous and expectant. But my current image is that of Big Bang’s TOP. I’ve spent two months working on music for Big Bang. It’s time to pour all my energy into something new. It’s time to kick furiously under the water for the people who admire me.

S: asiae
TRANS: seungie @ tumblr

Zitat :: T.O.P, "The reason I’ve become such a workaholic.."

I’m normally the type to have mood swings, but I think I became more so while filming Into the Gunfire. It was difficult for me personally, but I think it was also hard for my manager, who had to put up with me. I am incredibly sorry and grateful.

People ask me, ‘What kind of person are you?’ but I don’t really know myself. I don’t like being so-called 4-dimensional. It’s because it could seem like I’m floundering in narcissism. Because I have a job that receives a lot of attention from people I do believe that I should have some degree of uniqueness, but I don’t want to be so lost in my own world.

I’ve received a lot of influence from my maternal grandfather, who was a writer. I enjoy writing rap lyrics and writing in a journal. I’ve started up writing journal entries again these days.

I don’t want to live in isolation, but I do often think that I want to live freely. Especially when I was younger, I’d want to run away to any place. Without even knowing from what, I’d just want to run away. Honestly, I hardly ever went to school.

Is it because I think that I hadn’t lived diligently at that time. After making my debut, I hardly took a break. I’m making an effort to become upright. I think it’s a problem of my conscience. As more people begin to like me, I become more careful and optimistic. As I go about doing my job and as the people who like and care for me increases, I learn how to care for myself.

I’m happy because I have lost myself in my work. When I look back, it’s not that I had done bad things, but I get the feeling that I was unable to finish the work that I had to do. I was always writing rap lyrics and lost in music ever since I was little. It may be that I am working like a workaholic now as a reflection on those times.

I don’t want to be set in stone. In any case, I am a musician, and I need to have freedom when I’m on stage. I have to be able to be unpredictable in order to show others a different world.

S: asiae
TRANS: seungie @ tumblr

Zitat :: [Star Diary] TOP⑤ "Now it's time to get back together"

It seems like recently my personality has gotten softer. When I was younger, I was so obsessed with hip-hop that I had a tendency to be rebellious, but I’m starting to realize that that’s not all good. These days I’m making an effort not to become lazy.

I’m listening to a lot of classical music these days. I want to listen to new music and try combining styles. Usually, I enjoy listening to jazz and taking time to think. Since I lead somewhat of a stimulating lifestyle, I make time to meditate and reflect. Recently I’ve been having some insomnia, so I have a light glass of wine and try to fall asleep while listening to music. It feels like all my biological rhythms have been broken since filming the movie. My endurance is floored. But still, I don’t take any herbal medicines so I can save all that for when I really need it later in life. ^^

I think I tend to be a shy person. That’s why I have a hard time getting to know new people and I can’t make eye-contact. So I’m reluctant to meet people. It may be that I’m saving up all my energy so that I can let it all loose in front of the camera. Honestly I don’t have many celebrity friends. I was always working, and I have the other Big Bang members. We’re always just in the waiting room having fun amongst ourselves.

The members are my family. Since I’m the oldest I never picked favorites from the beginning. I thought that because I’m the oldest, I should watch over them from the sidelines and not burden them. My brothers, who followed such a spoiled older brother, are really innocent and good.

Now it’s an important time, when Big Bang’s album will be released. I’m planning on having a barbecue party with the members after we finish our jacket photo shoot today (the 16th). We should grill vegetables and all kinds of meat. For awhile we’ve been talking about personal things, but today we should talk about business. Now it’s time to get back together.

S: asiae
TRANS: seungie @ tumblr

remarkable ★ Anzahl der Beiträge : 1892 Anmeldedatum : 11.02.10

Teil 6 - 9:

Zitat :: [Star Diary] TOP⑥ “‘Into the Gunfire’ I want to make it exciting”

I learned to draw even before I started elementary school. Maybe that’s why I’m so interested in clothes and interior design. One day long ago, I suddenly started to love clothes and I thought, ‘I just want to be surrounded by clothing.’ I started working at Lee Tae Won’s clothing store, not to make money but because I loved clothes. But reality is definitely OTL. The job of ‘selling’ clothes didn’t fit with me.

Recently I’ve started to get into interior design. I look through a lot of magazines and I enjoy decorating my home, and I think it’s important to try to brighten your surroundings. So I often go out and buy things interior props. A lot of my friends are artists or designers. They’re friends that I’ve known since I was little. They always ask me to set them up with lady celebrities, but I don’t have any female celebrities’ numbers in my cell phone so the disappointment is no joke.

I have a lot of interest in fashion but I don’t think I’m going to make a business out of it. If I do I think I’ll be caught up in only that. I think it’s my duty to enjoy doing something new everyday and showing that off. ‘TOP is going to show us something cool this time too,’ is what I want people to expect of me.

It’s because of this desire of mine to show off something new that I tried my hand at acting. I wanted to try fusing my stage know-how to acting. As a public art, both singing and acting, where I can convey what’s inside of me through the eyes that the audience sees on camera, have an emotional aspect in common. This emotional aspect is an exchange between myself and the audience. I think the most important thing is focus.

I’m usually very emotional so I started acting with a big dream. I wanted to excite the people who like and care for me with the thought, ‘There was this side to TOP too?’

S: asiae
TRANS: seungie @ tumblr

Zitat :: [Star Diary, Part 7] “Being Big Bang's big brother, it was burdensome"

At first, it was hard to get along with the other members. It felt like I suddenly had little brothers to take care of after living freely by myself, and I didn’t like how their eyes were filled with this expectation of having their big brother become a role model for them. But the more I got to know them, I learned a lot from my little brothers’ dignified images that rather made me feel like the youngest.

Each member of Big Bang is passionate. They work hard in order to show new sides of themselves. But they don’t want to become people who work like idiots. They don’t even want to hear that they are people who put forth a lot of effort. They want to show themselves in completion. They don’t want to show themselves working hard behind the scenes. They want to show the audience perfection above the water, not how hard they are kicking below the surface.

Currently, Big Bang is at an important crossroads. Honestly all the members are gritting their teeth. It’s because the public’s expectations of, ‘I wonder what Big Bang will show us this time,’ is getting higher. That kind of expectation is both a burden and a source of strength. These days I’ve been thinking positive thoughts like, ‘it’s going to be good.’ I became this way after meeting my big brothers from Into the Gunfire. I spend each day in gratefulness.

I’m trying not to get into a slump. I try not to think thoughts like, ‘I’m not doing so well right now’ at all. Rather than looking forward to tomorrow or the next day, I look to the next year. I want to be someone who knows how to be thankful with each blessing and is faithful to the work I’m given.

Source: Asiae
Translation by seungie@tumblr

Zitat :: [Star Diary, Part 8] "Cheating while dating, definitely NO!"

I’ve never cheated when I had a girlfriend. I think it’s a question of loyalty. But because I have a rather free personality, there aren’t many girls who can take that. I like a girl who can sensibly guide me… I never wanted to get married but recently I’ve been changing my mind. I want to get married when I’m around 40 after doing my work for a long time.

I don’t want to share any details about my past dating experience. I think that’s the polite thing to do for my future girl. Of course if I get dumped, I do write about it in lyrics. It’s because I’ve always written lyrics that way. But I don’t think I’m the type to get deeply hurt from being in love.

I don’t have time to be sad or lonely. I’m so busy. Of course after busily working I often space out when I get back to the dorm. Truthfully it’s not easy living as a celebrity.

One day I’m thrown onto a movie set and the next I’m in the spotlight on stage. It gets disorienting, and physically and mentally draining. Sometimes the boss will come to my room and offer me guidance. He’s been through the celebrity lifestyle, so he knows exactly what to say at each situation. He sees things that even I don’t see and helps me have a broader perspective. He stays by my side as more of a big brother than as a boss. I’m very grateful to him.

Source: Asiae
Translation: Seungie@tumblr.com

Zitat :: [Star Diary] TOP⑨ "I want to become a monster"

The hard times and the happy times after my debut were all so crazy I couldn’t even think. It’s amazing when I think about it. It’s not like I’m physically tough. I always exercised in order to be able to endure through my stamina. I think I was able to build up myself mentally through exercise.

Why do I run like this without stopping. It’s probably because of my greed to become someone thrilling and free. I don’t want to be bound to anything. What the public feels is that I’m just one of Korea’s many idol stars. But I’ve never once thought that Big Bang was just simply another idol group. That’s my honest opinion.

I don’t want to become a star. I want to become a monster that constantly shows off something new. I mean that I don’t want to become some prepackaged merchandise. I’m going to protect my innocence. That’s what I need in order to do my work. I’m not going to get dirty. Even if I see something like that I’m going to forget it quickly.

I am a musician. I don’t have a clear plan. I myself don’t even know how I might change. I don’t want to plan that out. I want to do something surprisingly new. Even if I do have some plan, it’s a secret from everyone else. ^^

Original: AsiaE
Translation: seungie@tumblr

remarkable ★ Anzahl der Beiträge : 1892 Anmeldedatum : 11.02.10

Zitat :: [Star Diary, Part 10] "Someone who can embrace everything"

Big Bang is family for life. There are really no problems between the members. There’s no member that is particularly competitive about work, and I think we’re people who got together because of a common love for music. So I think Big Bang is a group that will really last a long time. Because we do music with such a pure heart, we could quit tomorrow if we ever thought that we didn’t have anything more to show. But we want to go for the limit to see what we can show together as a group.

We have a huge dream. It’s to become a group that everyone in the nation could love and applaud. We want to become a group that can receive deep love from the public for a long time, not singers that are fleeting and forgotten tomorrow. All of us put forth sincere effort to become such a group. We want become a group that receives so much love that it can be said that ‘when it comes to idol groups, there are those that are before Big Bang and after Big Bang.’

We want to give love. In my adolescence, I always felt like I was an outsider to the world. But now I want to become someone who can embrace everything. I want to become someone who can give happiness to other people. Because there are people who care for me and people I care for, I make an effort to become a little more perfect than I was today.

Source: AsiaE
Translation: seungie @ tumblr

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